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Reference Check/Transcript
Matt: Adam, can I borrow your phone to check my e-mail? Adam: What’s wrong with yours? Or better yet, Jason's laptop? Matt: Use a laptop to check my e-mail? What is this, 2011? No, I need to use yours, because mine died. Which brings me to my next question: Can I borrow your phone charger? Adam: What happened to your phone char-? Matt: It died. Adam: How? Matt: I’d rather not get into it. Adam: Okay, fine, but I am expecting a very, emphasis, important phone call. So if it rings, get me immediately and do not, emphasis again, answer it. Matt: Sounds like somebody is expecting a call from someone else. Adam: Yeah. Matt: Who is female, is what I... Adam: Just don’t answer it. Matt: Alright. (phone rings) Matt: Speak of the she-devil. Jason: Don’t answer it. Matt: Oh, I''', emphasis, won’t. Matt: Ugh, hello, this is Argyle McCullough. Whitney: Uh yes, I’m sorry, I think I may have dialed the wrong number. There’s not an Adam there, by any chance? I’m calling about his application. Matt: Application to what now? Whitney: Harvard Law School. Matt: Oh, sweet mercy. Uh… Oh… You’re looking for Adam, are you? Well, he’s uh… predisposed helping old people. Jason: Matt, what are you doing? Matt: I have to make him sound good or Argyle McCullough may have put a big fat Scottish black mark on his record Whitney: Well, I still need to contact a few of his references anyway. Matt: Oh references you say, well uh… it just so happens that we’re having a graduation party for Adam right now. Jason: No, we’re not. Matt: Yes, so everyone you need to talk to is probably here. Jason: No. Whitney: Well, uh…, the first one is his sister? Matt: His sister? Oh, here she is. Here you go. Matt: Just say something good about him. Be a sister. Jason: Hello? This is Adam’s sister. Matt: Why is she British? Jason: Why do you got to talk in an accent? Whitney: Hello. I.. I’m sorry, Adam's application mentioned he had three sisters, Ashley, Jenny, and Hannah. Which one am I speaking to? Jason: The second one that you said? Whitney: Well, hi Jenny. What can you tell me about your brother? Jason: Ooh well, my brother is um… is very smart. He’s a smart man and he um… he gives to all the people that he sees, and um… he’s um… attractive. Matt: What?! Jason: What was this? Jason: He’s attractive to those who are not related to him. Whitney: Uhm… thank you, Jenny, you’ve been very uhm.. helpful. Jason: Is there anyone else that you would like to talk to? Whitney: Well, the next one is a Father Flaherty, but I’m sure he isn’t around. Jason: Uh.. he '''is around actually, I will get him for you. Jason: Father Flaherty. Matt: Okay, you can stop talking like her... Wait, Father? Jason: Yeah. Matt:What religion is Adam? Jason: Oh, I don't know. Matt: Yes, hello. This is Father Flaherty. Adam's ecclesiastical leader. Whitney: Oh my goodness, I’m surprised you’re there, Father. Adam's application said you live in Oklahoma. Matt: Yes, Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweeping down the plains... I’m just in town on... religious business. Whitney: Well, Adam says you've known him since he was a boy. Matt: Yes, that is accurate. I remember even as a lad, he was a boy. Oh... A boy of strong moral fibers and virtues, he used to read often from uh… our faith’s religious texts. Whitney: That’s very insightful, thank you Father. Matt: Please, there’s no need to be so formal, you may call me... Actually, we’ll better stick with Father. Whitney: Yes, thank you. And, by any chance, is there a Tristan Brown there? Matt: Oh yes, Tristan, yes yes, here you go. Matt: Tristan Brown. Jason: Tristan? Is that a man or a woman? Matt: Oh, I don’t know. I’ll check Facebook, try and sound as androgynous as possible. Whitney: Hello? Hello? Is this Tristan? Jason: Hmm hmm. Whitney: Well, it says here that you were Adam's economics professor. Jason: (wookie sound) Whitney: How... how is he in class? Matt: Huh bam. Tristan Brown. I still can’t tell. Whitney: Hello? Jason: I’m just gonna go for it. Yes, this is Doctor Brown. Adam was a fine student. In fact, there were ten occasions where he single-handedly saved the lives of every one of our students. I would recommend him highly. Whitney: Thank you, Mister Brown. Matt: In your face, you weird looking man. Whitney: Well, please, thank everyone at the party for their time and between the two of us, I feel confident that based on all I’ve heard today, Adam will be receiving an acceptance letter very soon. Jason: Actually, Adam just arrove in the room, why don’t you talk to him? Matt: It’s Harvard Law. Adam: What?! Matt: Yes, just shush shush. Adam: Hello? Whitney: Hi, is this Adam Jones? Adam: No, this is Adam Berg. Whitney: Oh my goodness, I must have the wrong number. What are the odds that you would be at Adam Jones’ party? Oh well, while I have you on the phone Adam, I may as well inform you that we literally just filled our last spot. We’ll put you on the waiting list though. Have a good day, Adam. Jason: He’s speechless. Category:Season 1